Shine

You are the foundation of a strong house
holding the edifice with your love, your words,
your reproof, and the soft caress of your hands

I want to protect you from the winds
of deceit and pain that swirl around us

I see the ocean of your existence before me
a grand expanse of depth and movement
flowing freely where it will
- it cannot be tamed
- it cannot be encapsulated

I want to breathe you deep into my soul
and savor the taste of your essence

As time passes your flower unfolds around me
I pull back the petals,
- the soft feminine strength of violet blooms,
I glimpse the filaments,
- dripping with the nectar of your force

You are the sun, shining on this moment
feeding the life around you with
undeniable presence

I want to hold you in my arms and feel your
light at the center of my existence

I want to lift you up on a pedestal
and let the world see you shine

I am in a state of constant battle with my mind

A constant other-where calling
Compels me to another time and place

Some nearby destination where I would rather be

Whatever I am doing now
Is nothing but a mere diversion on the way
To this ethereal reality that never exists

Now is always now and my mind
Actively wishes it away

Other-where calls
And I see a premonition of its shadow
Looming over me

Pushing into some unknown future
Where things will be better

And I will be satisfied

Home is a satisfaction of soul
For which I have always searched
Off in the near-distant future
Its shapeless undefined reality unbeheld

But now
At the center of my existence
I have found a place where I can go
That I do not wish away

Those quiet moments that we spend
Your cheek resting softly on my chest
With your hair splayed across my belly
Expressing its own satisfaction
- Its realized purpose
- Its home

Your eyes look softly at mine
And your mouth turns upward in your
Ever-present smile, which sings

My hands were made
For the contours of your back
As I hear your soft sigh
And my fingertips find the slope of your spine

Here there is no other-where
Here there is only home

waking up in a strange place
I surveyed the room

blinking

for fifteen years my bed was hers

but now I slept in my
brother’s basement bedroom
feet protruding cold from the
end of the short blanket

for fifteen years I had lived
with an illusion of purpose
a pale subterfuge,
a bad knockoff life

cold bed traded for cold feet

my cardboard cutout purpose
traded for possibility

something real