Comments on: Smitten http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten Original Poetry by Carlton Lloyd Smith Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:10:13 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Carlton Lloyd Smith http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten/comment-page-1#comment-133 Carlton Lloyd Smith Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:54:02 +0000 http://poetry.unclesol.net/?p=30#comment-133 I'm glad you got that out of it, Tim. To me, it was precisely the fact that she was sleeping that made it interesting. I think I could have taken it in another direction and tried to let it stand on the imagery alone, but there was just something compelling to me about ending it like this. I find a particular charm in innocence, and here I wanted to bring out the incongruity of that innocence to underline that charm. But, I've always said that the author's intent is irrelevant once a piece is left for posterity. So, either it works or it doesn't. I'm glad it worked for you. I’m glad you got that out of it, Tim. To me, it was precisely the fact that she was sleeping that made it interesting. I think I could have taken it in another direction and tried to let it stand on the imagery alone, but there was just something compelling to me about ending it like this. I find a particular charm in innocence, and here I wanted to bring out the incongruity of that innocence to underline that charm. But, I’ve always said that the author’s intent is irrelevant once a piece is left for posterity. So, either it works or it doesn’t. I’m glad it worked for you.

]]> By: Tim Buck http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten/comment-page-1#comment-131 Tim Buck Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:08:08 +0000 http://poetry.unclesol.net/?p=30#comment-131 This poem is neat. Very nice imagery worked into the rhythm and form. I also liked it because it threw me off course a bit...a bit riddling. At first, I thought: Oh, he's actually talking about a cat. Then, the "hand" didn't fit. So...a woman, indeed. And I'll be the odd one out. I like the strangeness of the ending. For me, anything else could have too easily fallen into cliche. That she simply, inexplicably fell asleep in his lap struck me as wonderfully bizarre. Was she plastered? :) This poem is neat. Very nice imagery worked into the rhythm and form. I also liked it because it threw me off course a bit…a bit riddling. At first, I thought: Oh, he’s actually talking about a cat. Then, the “hand” didn’t fit. So…a woman, indeed.

And I’ll be the odd one out. I like the strangeness of the ending. For me, anything else could have too easily fallen into cliche. That she simply, inexplicably fell asleep in his lap struck me as wonderfully bizarre. Was she plastered? :)

]]> By: Mom Screws http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten/comment-page-1#comment-120 Mom Screws Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:07:54 +0000 http://poetry.unclesol.net/?p=30#comment-120 Carl, I loved this! Maybe it's just because I'm a Mom, but when I read this I saw you holding a baby- most likely your own. There is NO way I would have wanted an "erotic" ending. Keep going, 'son', it was a terrific image. Carl,
I loved this!
Maybe it’s just because I’m a Mom, but when I read this I saw you holding a baby- most likely your own.
There is NO way I would have wanted an “erotic” ending.
Keep going, ’son’, it was a terrific image.

]]> By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr. http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten/comment-page-1#comment-96 Tony L. Jefferson, Jr. Fri, 29 May 2009 04:24:56 +0000 http://poetry.unclesol.net/?p=30#comment-96 There is so much you could do with this one, this is a great base for a short story, a longer poem, or anything you choose to make it. I love it, the short simple version, and i also agree with the above commenter with the safe ending, but sometimes it is a necessity. Great write overall! There is so much you could do with this one, this is a great base for a short story, a longer poem, or anything you choose to make it. I love it, the short simple version, and i also agree with the above commenter with the safe ending, but sometimes it is a necessity. Great write overall!

]]> By: w.b. burkholder http://poetry.unclesol.net/smitten/comment-page-1#comment-73 w.b. burkholder Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:42:55 +0000 http://poetry.unclesol.net/?p=30#comment-73 This one left me wanting more than just a nap at the ending, it built quite well and for me the crescendo was just a tad bit lacking, now that doesnt make it a bad poem in fact i believe its quite good. again, methodology differs from poet to poet. this piece IMO took the safe ending, where it could have easily gone to something more on the erotic side, or on more of the side of further discovery and or reflection upon yourself and her... dont taker my rambling as anything negative. not my intent, This one left me wanting more than just a nap at the ending, it built quite well and for me the crescendo was just a tad bit lacking, now that doesnt make it a bad poem in fact i believe its quite good. again, methodology differs from poet to poet. this piece IMO took the safe ending, where it could have easily gone to something more on the erotic side, or on more of the side of further discovery and or reflection upon yourself and her… dont taker my rambling as anything negative. not my intent,

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